Suffering and the Illusion of Control
Life in a wheelchair can be frustrating, very much so. When I was a young child I assumed that only life in a wheelchair is hard and frustrating and full of challenges. I naively thought that I was the only one who suffered. We always think our pain is so unique and singular don't we?
It took me until well into my twenties to realize that we all suffer. Suffering, so it seems to me, is part of the human condition, the difference is merely a question of degrees. I think it was Franciscan priest Richard Rohr who said: "Suffering is what occurs whenever we are not in control."
When you live in a wheelchair you are seldom, very seldom in control, others decide your day, others do for you all those things you cannot do for yourself, your life is dependant on others. Because of this those of us living this way are often fiercely territorial over the small little details we can control or shall I say those details we think we can control.
Because the truth is, more often than not in this life, control is nothing, but a beloved illusion we desperately cling to. What is more, I believe this is as true for able-bodied folks as it is for those of us going around with our 'woundedness' displayed for all to see. The only difference is that when you're living as differently-abled you are all too aware of how little control you really have.
So how do I cope with not being in control, while desperately wanting to be in control and thus suffering?
Lately, I've begun to remind myself that I never really had any control, to begin with. I acknowledge to myself, sometimes through gritted teeth and more than a few tears, that life is messy, unpredictable and frustrating and that it is like that for everyone. I'm not special in this regard, I'm not being picked on, punished or penalized. Neither is anyone else.
This is life and sometimes to live your best life there is nothing to do but to embrace it and surrender to it. That means taking the good alongside the bad, to accept the messes along with the unexpected windfalls...often it means letting go of control that most prized illusion.
Life is a dance, three steps forward two steps back, we are meant to flow with it instead of trying to control each step. That's easier said than done, I know, but when we can manage it, the rewards are great.
Regards
Freeda Moon
NEXT WEEK: Dancing with Life in a Wheelchair...and out of it!
This is eye opening, thank you for sharing. While reading this I got the impression that the differently-abled actually live in a whole different world. It's like another dimension within our reality. All my hats off to you. You brave challanges every day that the rest of us can't even comprehend.
ReplyDeletewhat a perfect lesson in surrendering to "what is." Thank you for your honesty and help.
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderfully written, insightful piece. My 13 year old daughter also read it, and it gave her a new understanding and respect for the struggles people in wheelchairs deal with on a daily basis. I think this is something that more people should read.
ReplyDeleteAmazing lady. Writing story books with only 1 finger, go around town visiting friends, always laughing.does everything like we do from out of her wheelchair. She has a lot of talents I.e very sharp in answering questions and has lots of wisdom in her captured body. She is a miracle . People love her for who she is.
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