Connecting

As I'm driving my electric wheelchair to the office where I write this blog, I pass a woman walking to her car. At the car door, she stops, allowing me to pass. As I do so our gazes meet and she smiles, an open, genuine smile reaching all the way to her eyes.

The effect is instant as I feel an answering smile tugging at my own lips and we greet one another like we're old friends instead of complete strangers. Just for an instant, we connect.

Connection. No matter how much of a lone wolf you think you are, there is a part of you that craves it. Our digital age has made it a commodity through apps like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram to name a few. The one thing all these apps have in common is that they are trying to get people to 'connect'. It is the new buzz word and yet, many people report being lonelier than ever these days.  For the most part, we seem unable to form deep and lasting bonds, to truly connect.

When I was a child meeting new people was hard for me, truth be told it's still hard. While I'm okay with keeping a conversation going once it has been started, I find it really scary to make the first move and introduce myself. I generally need for the other person to take the initiative.

Being differently-abled also adds some things to the mix which makes forging that initial connection just a little bit harder. Harder, but not impossible. If life has taught me anything it is that very few things in this life are truly impossible.

What follows are a few simple guidelines for connecting with someone who is differently-abled:

Don't patronize

So you notice a differently-abled person at a party or wherever and maybe you're a little bit curious or you simply want to say 'hi'. By all means, walk over and offer a greeting, but please, I beg you, do so in your normal tone of voice. Do not address a grown-up as you would a toddler, it won't go down well.

Ask before offering help

You are a kind, compassionate human being so naturally, if you spot a differently-abled person who seems to be having trouble holding a fork or a cup the right way your first instinct is to help and there is nothing wrong with that, but do ask before you simply charge in.

Nine times out of ten a differently-abled person will ask when and if we need help. This is because we learn very early on that if we don't ask for help we'll be stuck. So most of us learn to ask for help out of sheer necessity.

If you see me struggling to hold a fork, let's say, feel free to ask me whether I need assistance, but don't simply snatch the fork out of my hand. That's just rude.

Don't assume

Please don't assume I'm mentally slow simply because I'm sitting down while you're standing up. My mind is sharp, it's just that the connections between my brain and my legs are slightly scrambled. I'm a grown-up and I will interact with you as such if you only give me half a chance.

Be patient  

Be patient. You may have to listen a  little more attentively for a few moments (most of us living with CP struggle with speech to a greater or lesser degree) but if you are willing to take the time we will sense it and also make some effort from our side to speak slower and clearer. A connection is always a two-way street.

On the same level

Take a seat, if you can. It is always easier to face someone who is level with you. Make eye contact, it's a way of making the other person in the conversation feel that you see them and that you are present and involved.

Relax we're all the same below the surface

The last tip. Relax, we are all the same inside. Reaching out to someone who seems so different from you may seem daunting at first, but there is so much we can learn from one another. I think making that connection is worth the risk, don't you?

Regards

Freeda Moon