Feelings Nothing More Than Feelings - Anger the Forbidden Emotion

Feelings. It is one of human beings' most distinctive features, the ability to feel and be aware that we feel. Being human, I also feel, a wide range of feelings covering the full spectrum of human emotion. I feel joy and sadness, love, lust, frustration, anger and everything in between.

I am extremely lucky to be able to express these emotions, through my words, actions and yes, even through this blog you are now reading. I am aware that some who are differently-abled are not so lucky. But even those of us who cannot express ourselves, still feel.

So why am I telling you this?

Well, maybe it's because it seems there are some emotions which the differently-abled are not encouraged to express. Friendly, optimistic politeness is fine (some might even call it 'inspirational') but anger, well anger seems to make people uncomfortable.

Just this past week I've found myself sitting opposite a man I've known and respected for years. He knows me, at least I thought he did, in fact, I think he thought he knew me too and I thought I knew him, well enough to voice my honest feeling and opinion. We were both wrong as it turned out.

He'd never seen me express anger, had never seen me climb out of that polite, demure little box I'd placed myself in years ago, that cramped, tiny box that forces the air from your lungs, it's so tight. But you stay, you stay because as long as you are in that box with your ready smile and propper manners approval is guaranteed.

Well, this past week I got out of that little box and I did so in full view of this man who thought he knew me. He was so shocked and so disappointed, it was all there in his gaze and even as my inner-child whimpered, the woman in me stood up and said: No!

No, I'm not in the mood to hold hands and sing kumbaya, maybe later. No, I'm not ready to make nice.

This is not meant to exalt the virtues of anger, not at all. I don't want to go around being angry all the time, that's not healthy, but neither is it healthy to keep sweeping my anger and frustration under the proverbial rug. I have to start dealing with my emotions like the adult woman I am instead of a scared, cowering little girl. The first step to doing that is by acknowledging what I feel and if that happens to be anger at present then so be it.

The response to last week's blog post has been mostly positive with most readers realizing that the post had more to do with me learning to stand up for myself than with Auntie Nightlight. Most of you got the point. But there were those who saw that post as disrespectful, admonishing me for sending 'mean' WhatsApps about this lady to other people.

I had not done this and was mystified as to what my accuser could mean until I realized he was referring to last week's blog post, which I distributed via WhatsApp (as I do all my blog posts). I know I was sassy, even salty in that blog post, but there was nothing malicious in it, surely? Just to be sure I went back and re-read it...twice.

I stand by what I wrote last week and again, I take responsibility for the two WhatsApp I personally send to this lady. Was it my finest moment? Perhaps not. Would I take those two WhatsApp back if I could? Absolutely not!

I was honest when I wrote them, angry too, yes but given the circumstances, if I can't speak up for myself at 44 when can I?

Which brings me to one final point.  Imagine a 30-year-old able-bodied housewife, also a blogger, has a dispute with an older acquaintance, no fisticuffs, no hair-pulling, just your normal everyday dispute between two people whose personalities just don't gel. It's not the end of the world and the housewife uses it in her blog to illustrate a larger point. Now tell me, do you think the local pastor would have been called on that able-bodied adult, by a third party?

By the way, that box, that dingy, cramped little box... it is gone. I took a hammer to it and I'm not sorry in the least.

Regards

Freeda Moon

NEXT TIME: Give Your Heart a Break - Romantic Love and the Differently-Abled